abigailht:

narwhalsarefalling:

starlightandcrimescenes:

gin-and-eschatonic:

agrestenoir:

commanderfraya:

icouldwritebooks:

mirab3lle:

thomrainierskies:

mugsandpugs1:

hermionegranger:

autisticcole:

debrides:

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”

we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I work in a children’s clinic as a doctor and one time I was counselling a family with siblings. One was an overweight girl and we talked about her eating habits and what the family cooked or ate at home for a good ten minutes before we moved onto the little sister with asthma who was having a cough and I wanted to say “can you stand up for me so I can listen to your chest?”, but instead I said “can you stand up for me so I can eat you?”

The five year old girl looked at me with horror in her eyes while her mom lost her shit and couldn’t stop laughing.

I constantly mess up the words, “Have a nice day.” and will usually say, “Thanks have day nice.” Or, “What veggies can I get your veggies on.” Is another great one. I constantly do this and I die a little inside every time, I usually play it off like I didn’t just say a incoherent sentence.

(via goon)

sassy-potato-of-wonder:

This is my side blog that I use way more than my main, I’ve decided I am switching gears so soon this blog will either be deleted or a supernatural one, I haven’t decided yet! I will keep you guys updated on everything and if my name changes or not! 

okay haha this is how its actually going down, I am going under my ao3 name now @staronet and will not post here anymore, this will be left up to direct people to my main blog now!

This is my side blog that I use way more than my main, I’ve decided I am switching gears so soon this blog will either be deleted or a supernatural one, I haven’t decided yet! I will keep you guys updated on everything and if my name changes or not!